I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize