Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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