i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
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