At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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