im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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