she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
So many bounce houses so little time
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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