i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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