I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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