Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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