Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
My pussy is not your playground.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
