Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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