Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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