I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
