no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
