I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
is wine microwaveable?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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