my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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