bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
