I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
