I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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