why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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