I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
