just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Randomize