i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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