a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Randomize
