I want to make a zoo with you.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
