I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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