i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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