Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
thus making me awesome and them whores
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
