no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
