Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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