google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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