you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
