i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
