awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
