Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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