How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Randomize
