Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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