im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize