Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
