i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Randomize
