I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
