I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
i now understand why vodka
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
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