dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
accomplished twins. life is a go
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize