Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
