I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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