Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
