dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Less talking, more tequila
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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