When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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