I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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