you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
