Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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