Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Randomize
