I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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