I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
