Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Randomize
