I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
