Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Who died my cat blue again?
Randomize