If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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