My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
