he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
