Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
