The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
