My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
