talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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