Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
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