i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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