I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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