This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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