I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
