three words: i give head
three words: not that well
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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