It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Randomize
