even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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