i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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