its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
