I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
