I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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