so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
