and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
