Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I said "one day" and that day is not today
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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