Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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