very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
