Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
