sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
