So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
