I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Randomize
