i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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