I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
