I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
