Whod you bang
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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