I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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