babies were throwing up all over the place
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
