I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
