It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
