Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
