Betty ford says i'm here all night
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
