Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
