listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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