I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
