my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
