Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize