Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
