I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
