how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
