chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
