this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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