yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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