Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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