Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
