The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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