In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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