god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
