I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
