The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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