There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
