I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Two words: blizzard sex
Randomize
