Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
