btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
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